Wednesday, January 28, 2004
8,890: The Canadians Suck Again
Chile has proven once again that Canadia is second rate at best. Eight thousand eight hundred ninty people joined together (by the mouth) last Sunday to break the World Record of: Most people kissing at the same time, thus breaking the previous recording set by the inferior Canadia.
Also in the news:Skeletor Jean Kerrie won the New Hampshire primary and hearts of French looking war veterens everywhere. Good job Keith Richards Jean!
Chile has proven once again that Canadia is second rate at best. Eight thousand eight hundred ninty people joined together (by the mouth) last Sunday to break the World Record of: Most people kissing at the same time, thus breaking the previous recording set by the inferior Canadia.
Also in the news:
I'm a Terrible Person
I'm really no good at this "update at least once a day" bit. I'll try harder, but no promises. If I weren't so damn lazy...
I'm really no good at this "update at least once a day" bit. I'll try harder, but no promises. If I weren't so damn lazy...
Thursday, January 22, 2004
The DemocRAT RACE
With a surprising win in Iowa, presidential hopefully Jean Kerrie has taken a "three point lead over Howard Dean in New Hampshire." As impressive as that may be, the more interesting story is that of John Edwards. Once barely visible in the Zogby polls, Edwards forged on and finished "a surprising" second in Iowa, giving his campaign a needed ego boost.
What does this mean for DemocRATS? Nothing. What does this mean for Republicans?Annoyance Heartbreak.
All of our (us Republicans) hard work to get Dean the nomination will be for naught if we don't do something...and quick! It is in the DemocRATSworst best interest to have a nutjob strong candidate such as Flipper McGee Howard Dean running against the incumbent George W. Bush. And as Republicans, we must do anything humanly possible to help the DemocRATS pick their "best" candidate. That way the landslide victory for Bush election will be as exciting and "fair" as possible.
"But Newman," you screech, "Howard Dean seems to be farther left than Marx and have the temper of a pregnant hippo!" *Sigh* Silly, silly, little Billy. Just because Dean's policies seem "slightly to the left" (third paragraph after the quote) doesn't mean Darn Poopy! Remember, George Bush is a Nazi (Again). ANY candidate seems left next to him! So what if Dean has a little temper. Can't people blow their corks twenty or thirty times! Jeez! Should you really judge a candidate by his policies or his temper!? I didn't think so.
Do the right thing forRepublicans everyone. Vote for Howard Dean in the New Hampshire primary. If you're not able, tell your friends to vote. JUST GET HIM ELECTED AS THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE.
If George W's gonna win anyway, why notwin by a landslide (AT LEAST) make the election interesting.
With a surprising win in Iowa, presidential hopefully Jean Kerrie has taken a "three point lead over Howard Dean in New Hampshire." As impressive as that may be, the more interesting story is that of John Edwards. Once barely visible in the Zogby polls, Edwards forged on and finished "a surprising" second in Iowa, giving his campaign a needed ego boost.
What does this mean for DemocRATS? Nothing. What does this mean for Republicans?
All of our (us Republicans) hard work to get Dean the nomination will be for naught if we don't do something...and quick! It is in the DemocRATS
"But Newman," you screech, "Howard Dean seems to be farther left than Marx and have the temper of a pregnant hippo!" *Sigh* Silly, silly, little Billy. Just because Dean's policies seem "slightly to the left" (third paragraph after the quote) doesn't mean Darn Poopy! Remember, George Bush is a Nazi (Again). ANY candidate seems left next to him! So what if Dean has a little temper. Can't people blow their corks twenty or thirty times! Jeez! Should you really judge a candidate by his policies or his temper!? I didn't think so.
Do the right thing for
If George W's gonna win anyway, why not
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Playing Ketchup
A lot has happened since my last serious (ha) post on January 4th. My college choir went on a week-long tour of Illinois and Indiana (Exciting).
Jean Kerrie won in Iowa. John Edwards took second place (suprising everyone, including John Edwards). Howy Dean, after suffering an upsetting defeat in Iowa, maturely accepted the defeat by stating, "Yeeeeearrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!"
There was some other stuff that happened too. Like, anything reported on Drudge.
Sorry, I have to go to class now.
A lot has happened since my last serious (ha) post on January 4th. My college choir went on a week-long tour of Illinois and Indiana (Exciting).
Jean Kerrie won in Iowa. John Edwards took second place (suprising everyone, including John Edwards). Howy Dean, after suffering an upsetting defeat in Iowa, maturely accepted the defeat by stating, "Yeeeeearrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!"
There was some other stuff that happened too. Like, anything reported on Drudge.
Sorry, I have to go to class now.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Newmanisms is BACK!
And better than ever...
well...
...that's debateable, but nevertheless: I'm gonna start blogging again. I know everyone reading, all five of you, was waiting with baited breath for my return to the blogsphere. I have returned. I. Will. Blog.
A NEW YEAR - A NEW LOOK!
And better than ever...
well...
...that's debateable, but nevertheless: I'm gonna start blogging again. I know everyone reading, all five of you, was waiting with baited breath for my return to the blogsphere. I have returned. I. Will. Blog.
A NEW YEAR - A NEW LOOK!
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Apologies to Aaron the Liberal Slayer
Sorry!
I screwed up the html for Blog of the Moment this week and as a result I don't think the link worked. But! The problem has been fixed, but I jipped Aaron out of PRECIOUS HOURS OF LINKAGE! He probably missed out on AT LEAST two more visitors due to my technical ineptitude. Thus, Aaron's Rantblog, because of wonderful commentary and fantastic website design, shall STAY as Blog of the Moment till further notice.
Newmanisms thanks you for your patience.
Sorry!
I screwed up the html for Blog of the Moment this week and as a result I don't think the link worked. But! The problem has been fixed, but I jipped Aaron out of PRECIOUS HOURS OF LINKAGE! He probably missed out on AT LEAST two more visitors due to my technical ineptitude. Thus, Aaron's Rantblog, because of wonderful commentary and fantastic website design, shall STAY as Blog of the Moment till further notice.
Newmanisms thanks you for your patience.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Newspaper Headline Predictions for 2004
World Shocked: Howard Dean Actually Killer Robot from Planet Tarcomed: Wins Dem Pres Nomination by Landslide
Jury Finds Michael Jackson Guilty of Being Freakish: Life in Prison
Air Found to Cause Cancer
Bin Laden Captured in California: Filed Papers to Run for Governor
Bush Re-elected After Landslide Victory Over Evil Robot Dean: Plans to Go to Disney World
Saddam Admits to Having WMDs: Troops Confirm After Discovering Stockpiles of Bowling for Columbine Movies
Newspaper Headline Predictions for 2035 (From the Lone Tree Leader: Onarga, Illinois)
Ozone Created by Electric/Hydrogen Cars Now Killing Millions in the Seventh Largest Country in the World, California
White Minorities Still Trying to Have English Recognized as California's Third Language
Spotted Owl Plauge Threatens Northwestern US Crops & Livestock
Baby Conceived Naturally: Scientists Stumped
Castro Dies at Age 112: Cuban Cigars Now Legally Imported: President Chelsea Clinton Bans All Smoking
George Z. Bush Annoucnes He Will Run for President in 2036
Postal Service Raises Price of First Class Stamp to $17.89: Reduces Mail Delivery to Wednesdays Only
Thirty-five Year Study: Diet and Excercise - Keys to Weight Loss
Massachusetts Executes Last Remaining Conservative
Supreme Court Rules Punishment of Criminals Violates Their Civil Rights
Average Height of NBA Players Now Nine Feet, Seven Inches
Federal Law Requires All Nail Clippers, Screw Drivers, Fly Swatters, and Rolled Up Newspapers Be Registered by January 2036
Congress Authorizes Direct Deposit of Illegal Political Contributions to Campaign Accounts
Capital Hill Intern Indicted for Refusing to Have Sex with Congressman
IRS Sets Record Low Tax Rate at 75.5%
Florida Democrats Still Baffled by Concept of Voting
.....
Ah...what a wonderful future we have in store...
World Shocked: Howard Dean Actually Killer Robot from Planet Tarcomed: Wins Dem Pres Nomination by Landslide
Jury Finds Michael Jackson Guilty of Being Freakish: Life in Prison
Air Found to Cause Cancer
Bin Laden Captured in California: Filed Papers to Run for Governor
Bush Re-elected After Landslide Victory Over Evil Robot Dean: Plans to Go to Disney World
Saddam Admits to Having WMDs: Troops Confirm After Discovering Stockpiles of Bowling for Columbine Movies
Newspaper Headline Predictions for 2035 (From the Lone Tree Leader: Onarga, Illinois)
Ozone Created by Electric/Hydrogen Cars Now Killing Millions in the Seventh Largest Country in the World, California
White Minorities Still Trying to Have English Recognized as California's Third Language
Spotted Owl Plauge Threatens Northwestern US Crops & Livestock
Baby Conceived Naturally: Scientists Stumped
Castro Dies at Age 112: Cuban Cigars Now Legally Imported: President Chelsea Clinton Bans All Smoking
George Z. Bush Annoucnes He Will Run for President in 2036
Postal Service Raises Price of First Class Stamp to $17.89: Reduces Mail Delivery to Wednesdays Only
Thirty-five Year Study: Diet and Excercise - Keys to Weight Loss
Massachusetts Executes Last Remaining Conservative
Supreme Court Rules Punishment of Criminals Violates Their Civil Rights
Average Height of NBA Players Now Nine Feet, Seven Inches
Federal Law Requires All Nail Clippers, Screw Drivers, Fly Swatters, and Rolled Up Newspapers Be Registered by January 2036
Congress Authorizes Direct Deposit of Illegal Political Contributions to Campaign Accounts
Capital Hill Intern Indicted for Refusing to Have Sex with Congressman
IRS Sets Record Low Tax Rate at 75.5%
Florida Democrats Still Baffled by Concept of Voting
.....
Ah...what a wonderful future we have in store...
Saturday, January 03, 2004
First Weblog Showcase Vote of the New Year
Exciting.
Political: Self-composed
Non-Political: Juggernaut of Love
Exciting.
Political: Self-composed
Non-Political: Juggernaut of Love
