Friday, October 01, 2004

Both Candidates Suck: I am the Winner; The Winner is Me

After careful analysis of the presidential debate, and even more analysis of the bruises and bumps developing on my forehead from the constant banging of my cranium against a table (to try and ease the pain of both the candidates' stupidity), I declare MYSELF the winner of the debate.

"How did you win?" asked Jean Kerrie after I kicked him in the shins and told him his mother was a whore.

It's simple: I'm obviously smarter, witter, and better looking than either Bush or Kerrie and, according to a recent edition of the widely read and acclaimed Lone Tree Leader, I "know it all."

Yes, that's right folks. I now have empirical evidence that I, indeed, am omniscient; thus, I'm better than everyone else (minus God--he's a few omnis up on me); thus, I win the debate.

Simple, eh? (God cannot win because he doesn't play by the rules...considering he makes them...)

That and Kerrie is a F*cktard and Bush is a pushover pansy afraid to stand up for true conservative values.

But...the lesser of two evils: BUSH/CHENEY '04

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