Monday, October 04, 2004

Billy Bob Blasts the Bard

Billy Bob Thornton, famous for his roles in Bad Santa and CatDog: The Great Parent Mystery, mercilessly attacked William Shakespeare Monday calling his work "bulls**t" and comparing his work to "corny soap operas," so says the Sun Online.

Indeed, Billy "Master Thespian" Bob makes a valid point when he says, "“I think Shakespeare’s overrated." His point being that he, Bobbo, is a f*cktard in need of a beating from a cluebat.

Billy "My Most Well-Known Role Was That of a Retard" Bob wouldn't know talent if it walked up to him, punched him in his testicles, doused him with gasoline, set him on fire, put out the fire with a blanket...of tacks, and poured leeches (fed only with lemon juice and tabasco sauce) on his open, smoldering wounds...

Billy "I Dated Angelina Jolie and That's My Biggest Claim to Fame (Wow I'm A Loser)" Bob, in splendid ignorance, goes on to say, "Who’d want to see me in Hamlet?"

Ding, Ding! Here comes the Tard Trolley: NO ONE WOULD WANT TO SEE YOU IN HAMLET OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT REQUIRES TALENT BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING YOU DESPERATELY LACK. Keanu Reeves has more talent in his semi-crossed eyes than Thornton has in his disgusting excuse for a body (that's not a lot of talent, by the way...nearly none in fact...have you SEEN the Matrix movies!?!?!).

Billy "{Long Derogatory Nickname}" Bob should stick to what he's good at: nothing. If I were to suggest a career for Thornton, I'd pick suicide. He should start as soon as possible.

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