Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Cheeky, Maybe...

Teresa Heinz wants to be a dog.

(I wonder if she has ever looked in the mirror?)

Teresa Heinz pictured on the left...I think.

When asked about her "oddness" Heinz replied:

"Yeah, I am odd in the sense that I have so many different mixes in my life."
Not a purebred. Pity. (57? Isn't that the number of mixes, Teresa?)

She is both rich and reachable...Teresa Heinz Kerry is one of the wealthiest women in the world. She's worth an estimated $500 million, and, as CBS News Correspondent Byron Pitts reports, she is not easily defined.
First off, what on Earth does "reachable" mean? Yeah, I can put my hand out and touch her--not that I'd want to--but how does one define "reachable?"

From Dictionary.com:


adj : easily approached; "a site approachable from a branch of the Niger" [syn: approachable]

Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University"

So...she doesn't bite? Good to know.

Close friends call her "Momma T" for her nurturing ways. But staffers note she moves when and how she chooses.
A good momma who doesn't need a leash...Wonderful!

She only recently started using Kerry's last name and was prompted more by anger than ambition to change her party affiliation.

"I was very upset at the way the party dealt with Max Cleland of Georgia," she says.

Cleland is the Democratic senator who lost re-election in a bitter campaign when Republicans attacked his patriotism. In 1968, Cleland lost his right arm and both legs in Vietnam.
Shock and awe. The press doesn't give the Republican side of the story.

"I thought it was disgusting," says Heinz Kerry. "All I could think was, 'What does the Republican Party need - a fourth limb to make a person a hero?'"
No, we need a reason to make a person a hero. Picking up a grenade and dropping it on your foot when you're about to go drink with your friends is not a reason to praise Mr. Cleland. Of course, Newmanisms thanks Mr. Cleland for serving his country, but putting him on a pedestal for dropping a grenade in a non-combat situation is not acceptable.

On the campaign trail, voters, especially women, seem drawn to her.
They all walk up, pat her on the head, and give her a treat. "Good girl. Do you love Kerry? Do you? Yes you dooooo."

"She's a very strong woman, a very deep and thoughtful woman," says Kerry supporter Molly Fox. "But, unfortunately, there are certain people in our country who are terrified of strong women."

Not her husband.
When she scares Kerry he just rolls up the newspaper and pats it ominously on his hand. Teresa doesn't like the newspaper.

Kerry describes his wife as "saucy, sexy and brilliant."
Ok, I'll give you saucy and possibly brilliant, but sexy? Don't be greedy.

"I mean, I'm cheeky, I'm sexy, [Don't forget humble] whatever," she says. "You know, I've got a lot of life inside."
Life and poo. There's a lot of poo in there somewhere.

When Pitts asked how many 65-year-olds call themselves sexy, she smiles slyly and quips: "How many of that age have you asked?"
Pitts: Actually, none...cause frankly, we didn't ask you...you just kind of blurted it out...

Heinz Kerry is her own woman.
That's good, cause slavery ended quite some time ago, and if Teresa were a slave, that would be sad.

If she becomes first lady, she says, she won't try and change the world and the world won't change her.
Once again good. Changing the world is pretty hard. Unless you're God. Then it's not so bad, but Teresa is not God as far as Newmanisms knows. Our research shows that the her only super power is tasting good with salty fries.

Good girl.

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